Μπορώ na αλλάξω auto?

Today and quiet often I’ve been dreaming a lot of fairly vivid dreams. I can remember more detail that I would like and of some people whom I tried not to think about so often. I wake up in some of the most positive moods with great courage and strength. Then I start my day and fine that I hardly have any time to do the things I would like to do. My priorities are all out of whack and I can’t seem to accomplish the goals I have set out for myself.

I knew that moving to a strange country would be rough. Somehow I made it to learn what would be considered half of full proficiency of this new language and manage to keep up with the basics of living on my own. I have taken a degree that shows that I have learned how to read and write at level 2 of 4 within a year of living here. I have gone to school and received a certificate that says I can teach english. I have applied and been granted a residence permit, and I can legally drive around in a car. yioupi!.. by the time i reached these goals, i didn’t plan any new ones, and i became conflicted. i felt as though i was loosing(if not already lost) the more advanced and fresh knowledge from my native languages. i don’t remember much spanish-speaking from my younger years. mostly, the only time i remember hearing Spanish was with family. once, i was at a spanish food restaurant and i was trying to speak only Spanish. by the time i reached a taco with beans, the waitress had already asked if i would continue in English… now, going into my 30’s, i’ve got no choice, the native language here is Greek. 

I have some (what I think to be) great ideas. I want to write a book. I want to start a non-profit business, though I need to make money. I have worked hard to help the homeless dog population by taking them to get spaded and neutered, finding them good homes, and checking regularly to make sure they keep up with their basic medical needs, but still the situation is sad.

I want to do more outdoor activities, as I used to back in the states, but everything is so expensive here. Imagine that just to put a gallon of gas you need at least 10 dollars. In order to take a 10 min ferry ride to the mainland, you need 7 dollars, and if you want to be able to return… double that. I was going regularly for one month and some, once a week, to work with a kid who has difficulties all around, mentally mostly and I wasn’t getting paid. I stopped going even though I still wanted to because I can’t afford to dish out the cash. The woman I was working with offered to pay for my expenses until I were able to pay her back, but the likeliness of that being soon is slim.

δεν καταλαβες τι εγινε χτες; δεν μπορουσε να δει την γυναικα του… σημερα ομως, δεν εχει επιλογη… 

(Source: just-a-top-notch-chick, via dangerteen)

Καλός Ήρθατε #home #σαλαμίνα #2012
#LemeCamera_iPhone Photo Sharing

Village Plaza, Mantoudi (madouthee)

Every time i sit down to write on the computer, i feel forceful censorship…

Last night was the first night I didn’t see period when I went to potty. This week has pretty hard. The move is almost completely finished. There is still one A/C unit that we want to bring with us. 

There have been so many thing on my mind.. i mean sooo many and perhaps even a bit more exaggerated than two more o’s. 

A friend couple came by to visit last night. It’s always great to visit with Drosoula and Tasos. They have two children; Panagiwtis and Orestis. The older around 5.5 and the newest is a little more than 2. I hardly get involved in the serious conversations, i.e. politics. I don’t know why I feel strange when I engage in conversation with people. I’m usually afraid, or anxious and sweat a lot. 

Adoption is always an option for people who need family and can’t make one of their own the  more traditional way, but at some times it’s much harder to explain the reasons. I have an adopted brother. He’s around 15, so he has a better understanding of why he’s being adopted and/or he probably might be able to say that he adopted us. 
 Sergio is a smart young man. His birth family lives in the area. His sister has a video on YouTube where she’s in a fist fight. Anyway, now he is also our family. He has met and spent time with Memo and Pepo and the rest of Mom’s family. I believe he has also met Hefito’s family. So the point is, that we all love him and accept him, just as we found out that our friend’s parents did the same when he was an infant. His biological father is from an island in Indonesia, and his mother a Greek, close to their 60’s. He is about 35. She is about my age. His adopted father just passed away a year ago, he was 82… But imagine your biological parents finding you after so many years and then they get back together in the search for you?! Difficult situation all around with so much potential for good.

I won’t be able to make it to the funeral. I am really really sorry. My deepest empathy and condolences. All this time that I’ve been thinking and saying that I want to go back to be with my family… I could have been there. I’m such a waste of life. If it is true that we will be like zombies after the magnetic bombs I want to make sure you get a lead helmet that covers your brain and neck so that you can make it to save your beautiful creativity if you still want it. No, I will not add another coffin photo to my collection. Or, what if someone took the photos for me?  

maybe i’m a different breed, maybe i’m not listening… awolnation.

i don’t know if it’s ever fun packing. i’m procrastinating because my partner went awol. i need some smaller boxes. the instruments should travel first… i think. 

defrosting octopus… again. i had trouble with my intestines again this morning. is fried food bad for them? 

try saying that backwards three times fast.

Aight, so, I have switched here from livejournal a little while back… when did i start this thing? I don’t know, but I think we all have experienced something that had us think that getting the hell outta dodge would somehow make things work better… or something like that. I get lost sometimes with what I am trying to communicate, sorry, but I always mean well! So anyways, I just had the most terrifying, yet fantastic thought. haha… this goes against everything i thought i wanted… or didn’t want. 

i thought to myself that i would like to help a child develop and change the world. how can i think that? i’m all messed up, my life is balanced on the end of a needle on a string of dental floss, what if i mess up? if you have ever known me, you would know how it might be like to think of getting prego. then i thought, i would show them everything about the world that i know, trying not to pass any developmental markers before it’s time. I don’t know, just a crazy thought.

i hardly remember this.

να’μαστε

I will post this, unedited, previously unsaved, but someone censored. I’ve started almost five posts, which had become drafts. I think only 3 have survived, still drafts though. I’ve been writing a lot, most of what I have written has been torn up, burned, lost, or packed. I hardly ever went back to read the things I’ve written, but recently I have visited, or revisited old friend’s journals. I sure did miss a lot back then, aka a lot of things flew over my head numerous times. I feel like such a mental case from back then. I would like to say that i’ve gotten better since then, that i’ve changed, but how do i really know? 

I laugh sometimes. sometimes from the things that i say and do, for example i’m arguing with myself at the moment as to why I am capitalizing some words and i’s and not others. But since I have to post this, I will just get over it for now. other times, it’s at the things other people/animals say or do. F just called the food we are going to eat today, Art. A while before that, we were having a conversation about a project and he says to me “she has big tits. i’m gonna fuck her… i didn’t mean it like that”. I know i’ve said shit like that in greek without even realizing it and therefore not apologizing for it. 

Ok, I have to step away… so instead of saving another draft, i’m posting this. before i leave, i want to say that i’m thinking of you, and miracles are happening. I hope you know who you are when i call you Big Eyes, this is one anonymous that i admit to being. I believe that i haven’t intentionally lied to anyone, for better or for worse. Truth varies from person to person. living proof.

Well, off to make some fried potatoes for the octopus in tomato sauce. Perhaps it would be okay with rice, but unfortunately, we like fatty foods… kali oreksi to everyone!

namaste

Created and unsuccessful flyer.

I had to share this. I don’t know if it’s proof…and if it is, of what? I don’t know what most people think when they open themselves to the internet, or to other life in general, but I feel that I have to share this video, and comment on the strangeness of it all. After all this has become more and more visible in the world, can no one else see that the public scandal with jason russell could possibly be an attack? I’m just saying, we should take care of ourselves. “They” say that the episode was due to stress… would anyone believe it could have come from the foods, fluids, or any other contact from consumer goods? Grow a garden, give up nasty habits or addictions. Easier said than done? 

Reality of Dream